English

How Joanikije is to demolish Mausoleum

Foto: MCP

The article is written by Andrej Nikolaidis, CdM columnist.

Tonino Picula, the European Parliament’s rapporteur for Montenegro, said in selected words that NATO had approved a helicopter landing in Cetinje in order to avoid serious consequences for the peace and stability of Montenegro.

Almost at the same time, the first NATO Metropolitan in Montenegro, Micovic, reiterated that the Mausoleum would be removed from the top of Lovcen.

Do you understand how Micovic plans to do that?

NATO helicopters, the same ones that, with an efficiency that surpasses everything that Glovo and DHL can dream of, delivered Micovic and Peric to the Cetinje Monastery, will rocket Mestrovic’s masterpiece. In that way, NATO will act decisively and preventively, and prevent the conflict of Montenegrin extremists who will block the approaches to the Mausoleum because they will oppose the demolition of one of the most important Yugoslav cultural monuments and government forces ordered to carry out the order of the competent inspection and ministry – read: Church of Serbia: read – Aleksandar Vucic.

Zdravko Krivokapic will hold a press conference and announce that he ordered the rocketing because the Mausoleum was shooting at the police with a Mo…ge…le…fjl, hi-hi-hik, that is not my field, cocktail.

The person that the viewers will describe as “a cross between Milijana Baletic and Emil Labudovic” will announce that RTCG has a video that proves that the Mausoleum shot at the police.

Dritan Abazovic will announce that he personally commanded the rocket action and that the citizens, including art historians and excavators, can be relaxed.

Ten minutes after the rocketing, the Montenegrin government will receive a congratulatory message from the Taliban government of Afghanistan (it has also been refreshing there), in which it says: “In your actions we have recognized our own determination and commitment to fight deviant social practices and symbols of atheism”.

The Taliban will also send a greeting card with the same content to NATO’s Brussels headquarters.

Immediately after the rocketing, Bato Carevic’s mechanization will be used to remove barricades and the ruins of the Mausoleum. It will be, like everything Carevic does, a textbook example of a private-public partnership.

The next morning, Dritan will fly to Belgrade. Matija Beckovic will meet him at the Surcin airport. The Serbian youth will carry Dritan in their arms from Surcin to Vucic’s residence. Several young men who will threaten to touch him inappropriately on that occasion will be arrested. The police will admit that they are associates of criminal structures that want the restoration of Milo Djukanovic’s government.

The Cetinje URA executive committee will announce that the Mausoleum was a collateral victim of the conflict between the two nationalisms in Montenegro. In protest of the demolition of the Mausoleum, that committee will leave the upper half of one URA member: his mind and spirit will no longer be with the party, while his buttocks will remain in the armchair in which he is housed through party-affiliated  recruitment.

Tea Gorjanc Prelevic will address the public with a legally grounded and sociopathic statement and recall that obstruction of an official in the performance of duties is a criminal offense.

Vanja Calovic will announce that she is not dealing with demonstrations in Cetinje and the Mausoleum, but with religious processions and convoys.

Then, a fragment from Wagner’s March of the Valkyries, which Coppola used in the helicopter scene of Apocalypse Today, will be declared the anthem of Montenegro.

Montenegro will also get a new coat of arms, which will look like this: a shield in the colors of the tricolor, with a centrally placed cross surrounded by 4 NATO helicopters.

In that way, Montenegro will finally be reconciled. With destiny.

If you find this text malicious, full of exaggeration, grotesque in essence, I’m asking…

And what would you say if two years ago, after a rally in Podgorica at which Joanikije stated that NATO could only come to Montenegro as an occupier, someone said that this man would be enthroned by a NATO helicopter, weapons and tear gas (in cooperation with mechanization belonging to Bato Carevic)?

What if someone told you that Micovic and Peric, all referring to Jesus who turned water into wine, would turn incense into tear gas (as some very, very witty author from social networks noticed)?

You would say, wouldn’t you, that he is evil, that he exaggerates and turns what is sacred into grotesque?

And what if someone told you two (or three years ago) that a country that was on the verge of becoming the “first next member of the EU” would instead become the first territory annexed to the Serbian World?

To write a grotesque about Montenegro means to paint reality hyper-realistically.

There is no scenario absurd, irrational and bizarre enough that it could not become our future.

There is a good side to it. Where everything that is absurd is possible, it is also possible to realize an idea as absurd as this: to overcome betrayal, meanness, true enemies, false friends, all their strength and all our weakness.

And win.

I believe in that. Because it’s absurd.

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